Thursday, 7 November 2013

Don't hire me

There are many reasons not to hire me

I will say no, a lot. I am pragmatic and may find a better solution by asking what it is you actually want to achieve. Or just No

I will say its crap if it is, immediately

I will have an opinion, always. Even when based on very little facts. Sorry

I will change my opinion 180 degrees quickly if a good team convinces me I am totally wrong. This happens a lot, thankfully

If obedience is important to you don't hire me

I am in no way politically correct (not an excuse to be an asshole either) and I make terrible jokes and often “too soon”

I do not have a filter for whom to sugar coat a situation to. I will say the same whether you are a team member, manager, CEO, client or shop keeper. And always blunt and honest

I will be honest with estimates. As in they are total guesswork and only worth it to gage magnitude

If you prefer polite sales type people that tell white lies or total tales then I am not your man

I don’t clock in, I’m definitely not a morning person. If you value timeliness above value then I am not your man

I don’t clock out on the dot either but I rarely work overtime and never weekends. Too risky, if the TPS reports can't wait, don't hire me

I like collaborating, pairing, even tripling for important decisions that needs swarming

I like the team taking ownership together, I detest micro managed task delegation

If you need bums on seat and each task accountable to a person then don’t hire me

I will not jump up like a lap dog when people panic, I barely got a pulse at the best of times. If you prefer knee jerk reactions don't hire me

If you want me to be an ivory tower architect, don't. I like to work with the team to find out their best suggestion is and then work with them to implement it

Or if you have another architect of an ivory tower inclination telling me how to implement something - not going to happen

If you want to keep status quo don’t hire me, I will insist on continual evolutionary improvements. Otherwise the systems will rot, become a big ball of risk and your best developers will leave

However if you want a ninja/rockstar, I am not

If you want me to work with a ninja/rockstar I rather not. Some are okay, but most are a PITA and imperceptibly costly for the company

Insist on Windows? Don’t be ridiculous. No serious developer would accept that handicap unless desperate

Shirt & tie? No, not happening. You can’t take techies dressed as used car salesmen seriously

If you prefer drones in suites, that is not me

Many of these are valid reasons not to hire me

Some I hope are reasons to hire me

Your call

1 comment:

Flyte said...

How refreshing!

I've been wondering whether to modify (soften) my attitude at work in order to further my career. I surely can't get any further without becoming a 'yes' man, right?!

How has this personality of yours worked out for you? Do you think you'd have got "further" more quickly by making compromises or do you think you'd have simply sacrificed your happiness and worked on more dull projects with dull people?